Tummy & buttocks

 Conversation with a 4.5 year old.

Was making Ira practice lowercase abcd…z yesterday. 

I noticed that she was not able to write few letters, she was really trying. I could see her thought process, literally. So for an adult (for us ) abcd is nothing but for them it’s so much. 

I helped her by showing few on the side paper and she tried them.

After z, the following conversation went on

Me: Iru you did a good job. 

Ira - but I’m not getting to write few, is that bad ?

Me - that’s ok. You don’t know them now , but you will know in few days, I know that you are a smart person and you can learn, practice and do. I am going to help you & remember nothing is difficult.

She gleamed and was listening to every word I said. Really. 

Me: Can we discuss what is difficult for you ?

Ira: yes, will you help me ? ( puppy eyes literally)

Me: Always 

Pause and thought processing while looking at the paper

Ira: mmmm I’m getting confused with b d , Z & 2 number, g & q & p , s & number 5. 

Me : oh see you have trouble only with these few, you know all the rest. 

Ira : yes mommy. I will practice learn these also in few days. I know I can do it. Nothing is difficult 

( her entire perspective changed just in few minutes, as I told her she can do it ) 

The usual me would have raised my voice and the scene would have been different. 

Don’t know if she changing me or I’m learning from her everyday. 

We later joked about letter “b” having a tummy and letter “d” having buttocks 😂 & ate peanut laddos 😀

PS : I only TRY to be a gentle parent. It’s only 10%, rest is history

23/01/2025

A part of my childhood Sarojini atha

 Sarojini atha 

That’s how I call her 

We grew up in a society where people around us became our family. One major family which has been all through my life is Subba rao mama and Sarojini atha. Not related by blood, but a family bonding my parents built with theirs is incomparable.

When Amma was busy, atha would feed us and take care

of us. My parents would meet each other everyday. We had the ring system then. Calling and talking with each other was very expensive. 1 ring you come home. 2 rings we are coming. Everyday around 9/9.15 om this would happen at home. We never  answered a call before the two rings ended. 

 I have so so so many immense memories with them that when I look at my past oh they were there in every tiny bit of it. Gatherings, movies, restaurants, birthdays everything. 

There was never a moment Sarojini atha has raised her voice against anyone I know of. She is as this always helping, cheerful lady with so much of delicacy and aura. Her daughters are an example of how well she has raised them. 

This couple is a set example for me. They would go beyond their limits to help anyone. How cheekily mama would tease atha, her tiny blushes she tried hiding. As she was diabetic everytime she wanted to taste a sweet she would look at mama and he would signal with hands ‘ a tiny small amount’. Sometimes he would say “ ivala quota aipoindi” 

And such a beautiful human “our Sarojini atha” has been battling with cancer the last few months. She breathe her last today early morning and I can’t think of anything else except her and her family & mine. Everyone knew this was going to come but to be in the moment is difficult. 2 beautiful daughters who are just like them. My mom was considered as a 3rd daughter. They would introduce her has “ma pedda ammayi” to everyone. 

The last few days hopefully she met everyone she wanted to meet. I pray that she is in a better place and continues to bless us like always. 

Ira loves you and I will make sure she remembers you just like how you want her to. Sarojini ammama you will be fine. Don’t worry. 

How far have I travelled

 Dasara & AYUDHA puja 

How much have I travelled. Every year this time of the year in my childhood, we would have a day long puja at my parents work place worshipping god and thanking him/her and every instrument at the place from computers to biggest machines. At that time I was more keen on the sweets we could eat.

Today I recollect of how far I have travelled from there to having my own space and thanking the tiniest of the thing I have built from scratch with the support of my family. Every time I sit for a procedure no matter how occupied I am, I always think of god once & ask him/ her to guide me right before I use it on any of you. It’s my own tradition. 

That small sense of responsibility, connection & thankfulness. 

 Dasara is different for everyone. Everyone follows a different tradition & story. For me it’s strength, power & channelising energy. 

& this background song is a tradition too since recent past. 

 Whenever I travel I make sure I listen / read to shiva tandava stotram. After that it’s this song that I doze off to sleep.

 Everytime I listen to this, all my travels take over my headspace. 

How far have i travelled. 

Happy Dasara folks 💛

#happydasara #ayudhapooja #skinveda #drsritejavemulapalli #kondapur #sanathnagar

Cosmic ❤️ & Ira

 

Yesterday night Ira asked me to carry her on my laps ( which I haven’t been doing since 6 weeks because of the fracture) 

I did and she hugged me so tight (the round hug) and I kept telling her so many things of how much I love her, how brave she has been all through, how much happiness she has brought to my life, how forgiving she is, how much I enjoy narrating & listening to her stories, the way she laughs, that gleam, eye sparkle mischievous smile, how caring,and how pretty she is and everything nice I could think of her for the next 5 mins or so

She hugged me tight all the while inspite of having the cast and the inconvenience it caused to her. All she did was say “ uu” for everything. Something like acknowledging it.

That peace we both got at that moment was cosmic ❤️

Silent tears

Can’t wait to see her back to her normal life. 

23.08.23 

The day india was on the moon 

&

Amma on a very emotional roller coaster

Godmade or Manmade ?

 I am a god fearing person. After birth of a child suddenly my world is filled with so much fear, constantly for her. I will turn the world upside down for her if I have to. But these ? 

Godmade? Manmade?

Hope

A child

A father

A mother

A sister

A brother

A grand mother

A grand father

An uncle

An aunt

A neighbour

A friend

A cousin 

Someone out there is hoping, holding on their last breath, wishing that they dint sleep that night, crying, devastated, praying to just see/ touch/ feel their loved ones. 

Why ? Why ? Why ? 

What if ? 

But Why ? 

It all comes down to this 💔

Turkey & Syria 

All I can do is pray & help as much as I can. 

I am doing this selfish act, praying that someday when my child needs something, one mother would do the same or even more for her than what I do. 

#turkeyearthquake2023

The limitless stars & thoughts

 

Audible pumping hearts

 The First time you know you can be stronger than you think.

Ira turned 2 in july. Has been talking since she was 1.5. After a huge thought i enrolled her in a play school/ nursery

We went for the orientation and Ira loved the place. 

On her first day of school they( school staff) took away Ira from me near the door of the hallway itself. She went walking happily, not even turning back to check if i was behind her. I wished she turned back, and finally at the end of the hallway she turned back, smiled and walked into the class. My heart was very heavy, tears rolled down. that little one who was under my/family's supervision 24/7 is all ready to be on her own ( ofcourse with her Miss ). I immediately grabbed some tissues lying there, turned away to the window nearby and sobbed for quite sometime hearing many baby cries meanwhile, praying that its not of Ira but assuming that may be it must be her. I felt bad really bad for the cries i could hear. I called my mom then and spoke with her. Who else knows this the best except our moms right ? After i could gather myself i went to the waiting hall downstairs, met up few parents who were equally scared like me to even see a shadow through the glass door. 

Audible Pumping hearts 

It was just for an hour and we went upstairs to pick up our babies. Ira was all happy. She loves to play with kids & having so many toys or Colors at a place was a treat for her. 

I was happy too. Baby happy, Amma happy.

Few mothers said I was lucky as my baby wasnt crying. but I knew I have a long way ahead. I knew that Ira was thrilled of the new environment, kids all around her. 

The next day Ira was equally excited to go to school. She waved me a bye at the door and went inside happily. Meanwhile I could hear so many cries all around. I was hoping that the other cries don’t influence Ira and that she shouldn’t cry looking at them. At a point I was at ease thinking she really settled well. After an hour that day when i went upstairs to pick her up, from a distance I could see that she was holding three soft toys and had tears flowing down her cheeks. I sunk. I couldn’t see her like that. I rushed to her, & as she saw me, she ran towards me, hugged me so tight, so so so tight and cried " amma kavali probably more than 10 times “ I felt so sorry initially but I never knew I could be so strong. It never gets easy.

After I put her to ease she told that someone tried to snatch her toy. That’s definitely common when so many kids are around.

That entire day i was thinking of scenarios of what made her cry. Was it that she starting crying looking at other kids ? ( i really cant help this ) or was it that she saw other mothers and dint find me ? ( from next day i should be the first one there was what I thought ) or was it cause she was scared and was asking for me ? ( what kind of a mother am I ?) or was it because someone snatched those toys ? ( Kids at that age can cry for the smallest of things, Ira loves soft toys, or was she seeking some comfort by holding them, pacifying herself ? What kind of a mother am I ? ) My husband was patient enough to hear all these out and assure me that things will be fine. But at a point we were even thinking if it was too early for her. We managed to put our thoughts to sleep and sailed the boat away. 

That entire week (3 days in that week ) went with songs of No school, Amma kavali. Cries started from home, tantrums of not wanting wear the school shirt, and later not willing to get back home from school ( ah & yes she was settling in her class ). The most restless week of my life. Even a call during school hours would panic me. Thanks to few mothers who coached me. No stronger bond than mothers going through the same trauma.I would get glimpses of crying Ira 24/7. I still get them. 

Yeah Boom ! Next Monday Ira woke up saying “Amma school vedlam “. That’s a WoW to hear. Now it’s become like a mother daughter ritual daily. We are definitely enjoying ourselves there at school. Not bored anymore. Making new friends, learning to eat new foods and ultimately learning to get accustomed to new environments and people.

It’s been a month and now we love school. She refuses to get back home, sometimes even hides away behind her teacher. There are days of minute cries when someone snatches away toys from her. That’s okay though ! A special mention to her teacher, she is one of the most caring, gentle humble human being I’ve seen. Thank you for taking care of my/our heart/s so well. 

I do not want to Jinx any of it. I still wait at the school hoping that I’m not called that she is crying.